Momma Teachings

[MarK M]

MOMMA taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning!"
MOMMA taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
MOMMA taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle
of next week!"
MOMMA taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."
MOMMA taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."
MOMMA taught me IRONY:
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."
MOMMA taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
MOMMA taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
MOMMA taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."
MOMMA taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
MOMMA taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you
listen then?"
MOMMA taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't
exaggerate!!!"
MOMMA taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"
MOMMA taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
And most of all ... MOMMA taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"

[DDWH]

heh