The South Florida Code (really funny)

[3Hummer]

I recieved this in an E-mail found it really funny had to share it with you guys...

THE SOUTH FLORIDA CODE
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> When giving directions in South Florida, you should always start with the words, Take I-95 to. . . .
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> If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the hours of 6am and 10am and 4pm and 7pm. This is considered to be rush hour and you're not in any rush. No exceptions.
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> Some roads just stop for no reason and then start again: Congress Avenue, Lyons Road, Jog Road. Freeways can only go north and south. Not east and west.
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> A1A and ALT A1A are the same streets.
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> Traffic Lights aren't timed and never will be.
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> You know how to drive 80 mph and you know how to drive in bumper to bumper traffic? Now do both at the same time.
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> We measure the distance you travel in time not miles.
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> If you travel more than 15-20 miles on any road in South Florida without
> seeing an orange Bob's Barricade, you're not in Florida. You're lost!
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> I-95 is a parking lot not a freeway.
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> When your body height becomes 4 inches below the steering wheel get acquainted with Palm Tran train.
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> If you miss your exit on I-95, its perfectly acceptable to back up.
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> Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection.
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> Know the difference between Sun Pass, Sun Fest, Sun- Sentinel, and Sun Trust.
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> Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual.
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> Your blinker means nothing.
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> English is our second language.
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> It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your generator.
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> It is totally acceptable to be living in South Florida but not root for The Dolphins, The Marlins, The Heat or The Panthers.
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> We have alligators here in South Florida a nd they WILL bite you. Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.
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> Clematis is a street not a disease.
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> When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advanced warning and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait until the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to Publix to stock up water, ice, beer, and potato chips.
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> Northlake Blvd and Okeechobee Blvd are where you buy a car.
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> You know how to spell Okeechobee.
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> Do NOT buy a boat. Make friends with someone who already owns a boat. That way you don't have to deal with the headaches.
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> There is an Okeechobee Blvd, Street, Avenue, a town, a lake and a county.
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> You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that everyone else moved here.
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> There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost every corner - with more being built ev ery day.
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> When picking up a woman on South Beach, look for Adams apple.
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> You can never be as tan as News Channel 5's Jim Sackett.
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> The Amphitheater at the Fair Grounds will change names about every 4 years.
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> It's perfectly normal to string up your Xmas lights in December while wearing shorts and a tank top.
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> Jupiter is a city not a planet.
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> Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays. Not weeknights or weekends - that's for the working folks.
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> There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, flipper, and also one called a football team.
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> You can't say; "this is how we did up north", if you think that way then go back.
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> No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never be able to figure out your property taxes.
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> Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside but inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.
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> There are three things you will need to survive a south Florida winter: A long sleeved T-shirt, sunscreen and restaurant reservations that you make at least three weeks in advance.
> The same neighbor who smiles at you every day will be the first one to rat you out if your are violating water restrictions.
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> It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations

[KenP]

There's some pretty funny stuff in that list.

[wpage]

Some real truth there

[Agriv8r]

[Big Dad]

Been there and seen a lot of em!

[RubHer Yellow Ducky]

OK, he's right on most of it...been here 57 years and that means before I-95...in fact the only way you could get down here was on Henry Flaglers TRAIN or drive on US1

the exceptions are where he mentions locations (except south beach & the southern end of I-95) he's not talking about SOUTH Florida...the real southeast florida is Miami and the Florida Keys and in fact KEY WEST considers itself a different country (thats COUNTRY, not county)...most of what he talks about is Broward and Palm Beach County (hollywood, ft. lauderdale, west palm beach, etc)

In miami before CASTRO (1959-1960) the RICH SUBURB called Coral Gables had STOP SIGNS just like YOU have but added just below the word STOP was the word ALTO written a little smaller...that very formal SPANISH for stop or halt...we had a good size population of RICH SPANIARDS living here...

a couple of years ago i went to a "Battle of the Bands", local Rock and Roll groups, it was hosted by Jim Barry, a nationally known humor writer, and he said...

How can you say South Florida has bad drivers, why all the drivers from the 58 countries that are represented here ALWAYS obey the traffic laws.........................the traffic laws of their own home countries...Haiti has the worse drivers in the GALAXY...

There is a road near me which is a 4 lane divided with lots of enterence streets coming into it, the speed limit is 45 mph, just a little futher west it becomes a 6 lane divided with limited access roads connecting to it and the speed limit drops to 40 mph, explain that...

Here when drivers hear emergency sirens they don't pull over...they think the sides of the road are for police and fire vehicles...

OLD DRIVERS ALWAYS GO IN THE FAST LANE at least 20 mph BELOW the speed limit...

this can go on and on and on...

OH !

for sale: 2 homes in south florida

[3Hummer]

tell me a about the old people wtf they suck at driving the other night some guy cut a red light and almost t-boned me got out of his car and said "You effin teenagers have no idea how to drive your causing all the accidents" all i said was "look up dumb a$s your the one who cut the red now get back in your car" and i continued on. And i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the out of state drivers they dont understand the floridian drivers, im not even kidding 99% of the accidents ive almost seen caused since the snowbirds came down are from out of state people there effin dumb as*'s they need to get the f* off our roads.....sorry had to vent.

[Boss Hoss]

Originally Posted by 3Hummer

tell me a about the old people wtf they suck at driving the other night some guy cut a red light and almost t-boned me got out of his car and said "You effin teenagers have no idea how to drive your causing all the accidents" all i said was "look up dumb a$s your the one who cut the red now get back in your car" and i continued on. And i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the out of state drivers they dont understand the floridian drivers, im not even kidding 99% of the accidents ive almost seen caused since the snowbirds came down are from out of state people there effin dumb as*'s they need to get the f* off our roads.....sorry had to vent.

I think i prefer the summer tourist traffic to snowbirds on the road......you would think their cars would be battered like a NYC taxi with their driving habits.

[frenzy1]

FLORIDA ROCKS !!!

[RubHer Yellow Ducky]

Originally Posted by frenzy1

FLORIDA ROCKS !!!

HEY !

how did you get that picture of my sister !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!