can you help find my doggie??

[Agriv8r]

[IMG]file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/smgr/Desktop/dog.jpg[/IMG]

[Agriv8r]

[IMG]file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/smgr/Local%20Settings/Temporary%20Internet%20Files/Content.IE5/GHQF0XQ3/dog.jpg[/IMG]

[Agriv8r]

[Agriv8r]

third times a charm...

[Agriv8r]

http://www.worldschoolphotographs.com/

[Agriv8r]

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a
little boy to do the first test.


She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you
know what it is?"

"No, I don't," said the little boy.

"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your
Mom before he goes to work."

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out!
It's a piece of ass!"

[Agriv8r]

Why you never question a drunk...


A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. can of coffee,

And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"



The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly.

[Agriv8r]

THE BLONDE AND THE LORD

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said,
"IS THAT YOU LORD?"


The voice replied,
"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK !!"

[RubHer Yellow Ducky]

Originally Posted by Agriv8r

Why you never question a drunk...


A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. can of coffee,

And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"



The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly.

GREAT !!!

[ChiHummer3]

[Agriv8r]

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the
doctor's office and says that her body hurts
wherever she touches it.
Impossible!" says the doctor "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her
left breast and screams, then she pushes her
elbow and screams in even more agony.
She pushes her knee and screams; likewise
she pushes her ankle and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead,
are you?
Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says.
"Your finger is broken."

[Agriv8r]

Purina Diet

I have a Labrador retriever, and was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog? (Duh!)

On impulse, I told her no, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time. But I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was standing behind her. Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

[Agriv8r]

Words women use

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine(see #1).

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you- do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying "%@&*YOU!"

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong"- for the woman's response refer to #3.

[Agriv8r]

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin People to git cancer ?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she Was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he Gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer."
"But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin . ... What I want to know is, kin I sue
Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"