USA Today - October 1st, 2015

[BlueHUMMERH2]

"Mr. Freeze" announces control of California

SACRAMENTO, California- Mr. Freeze, AKA Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger declared total California domination today. "Ha! You really thought that my policies were meant to help anyone other than the planet? You Americans really are guillable!"

Guillable indeed. Beginning in 2006, when Schwarzenegger signed into action a bill to cap CO2 emission under the false premise of "global warming", Americans began to unwittingly fall under his control. Business left California for other locations, leaving the state devoid of any high-paying industry. "Essentially, California was slowly depopulated by the sensible, and saw a huge increase in the number of so called 'liberals'," explains Dr. T. Fun. "It became this haven for crazies of every sort."

Using this new-found base of the increasing extremist left, Schwarzenegger began convincing other states and nations to join his plan for carbon emission caps. "They spread out like a plague upon this world," says Fun.

By 2009, over 30 countries, and 42 US States had agreed to curb their CO2 emissions drastically. However, most somehow overlooked new scientific data that was showing a sudden drop in global temperatures. "This information is meant to destroy the environment, and give back power to the oil-rich!" Al Gore, inventor of the Internet said during a speech in April 2009. "We have to ignore their efforts of misinformation, and concentrate on the policies of our environmental crusader, Mr. Schwarzenegger."

Schwarzenegger, having long since brought the US auto industry to it's knees through a suit in 2006 which was supported by his liberal followers, had converted the nation to run autos on hydrogen power by 2012, further decreasing CO2 output.

This huge drop in CO2 has emissions created a snowball effect. By December of this year, scientists expect all southern transport routes to close as sea ice fills the gap between South America and Antarctica. Winter now begins for New York City promptly in October, and record snowfalls have brought the city to a standstill these past few winters. Florida produce growers have had an increasingly hard time producing food in their much shortened growing season. "We just can't do it," says Ken Price. "The frost is hanging around too long in the spring, and then coming too early in the fall. We're losing a huge capacity for growing food."

Worldwide, economic losses are astounding. Large expanses of agricultural land in Europe is now under snowcover, and trans-Pacific transit of goods is being run afoul by icebergs. Workers in the poorer Asian countries are dying by the thousands as colder winters creep in, and the supply of heating materials grows scarce.

"We're seeing a disaster like never before," says Neocon, who uses an alias. "Not only are humans dying, so are many plants and animals. Species we all love and adore are gone due to natural habitat distruction. Bengal Tigers, Pandas, Elephants, Orangutans, all gone as their environments change for the colder. They simply cannot adapt."

Schwarzenegger, however, admits foiling the human race was all part of the plan. "Following my lead, the world has come to the brink of another ice age. Ha! The voluntary caps in carbon emissions by many nations of the world have brought us to this new dawn. I cannot stress how much Al Gore, creator of the Internet and very educational yet boring films, has contributed to my success! Now the planet will be safe from human destruction."

World leaders called an emergency meeting today on how to deal with the effects of massive global cooling. "I'm not sure there's much that can be done," says Representitive C. P. "The events set in motion so long ago are beyond our control now. We will have to adapt or die. There are no other options."

"We really are experiencing the tipping point we had seen in the historical ice cores and tree rings," explains Franklin Stop, an engineer at Michigan State. "This sudden and drastic drop in temperatures, it's there in all the data. There were some of us in the scientifc community who knew when temperatures were rising in the 90's that this point would be reached. But we were silenced by the liberal left. Now, everyone tries to blame us for this tragedy. In reality, they fooled themselves."

And so begins another cold night in Detroit, where temperatures are expected to drop below 20F tonight as a harsh cold front passes through. "What a way to bring in the winter. It's October 1st, and we're forecasted to have 3-4" of snow by morning," says Stop. "Who would have thought?"

[KenP]

Very funny!