I've got the willies!!!

[KenP]

I heard a little squeak from the wife as she was walking through the foyer tonight. There was a spider afoot.

For those that don't know, I've got a real problem with the little eight legged creepy-crawlies.

I grabbed a paper towel, because I didn't see the shoes nearby, and approached this nasty thing I know wants to kill me.

I'm not wearing shoes, sandals, or anything. My feet are exposed to this killing machine. I'm sensitive about my feet. I usually always have something on my feet. I'm not happy about this at all.

I approach the thing. It's looking at me. It's not moving, just sitting there ready to strike my defensless feet. Holy crap this is so uncool. I'm such a complete wuss.

I make a half assed attempt to kill it, but fail. A few broken legs won't stop this man eater.

Crap, the wife points out in a high pitched voice the killer is jumping... at ME!

Then, I realized this isn't a killer at all, it's much worse than that. It's the dreaded Brown Recluse and it want's my feet!

I make another girly stab at the flesh eating arachnid jumping around in front of me, but to no avail.

Finally, I summon all my strength, reaching beyond the pansy-ass chills running up my spine, and I smash the creepster. Again and again I press the towel against the monster before me.

I pick the man eater up with the paper towel, nervously shaking like a little boy asking a girl out for his first date.

I squeeze it hard. Then peek at the nasty creature from hell and a leg is twitching! Holy sh!t, it's still alive.

I squeeze harder. Real freaking hard. I ball it up nice and tight and flush it down the toilet. I watch it go down, just to be sure.

Now I'm in the media room, it's dark, except for the TV and the computer screen. Each little thing is causing me to itch, to check myself, to brush my legs.

I have my Crocs on. Maybe I should get a hat.