I would if I could!

[OldHiker]

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country
track down those responsible for killing
thousands of innocent people in New York City
and Washington DC. But, I'm 60+ now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead
of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought
to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.


For starters:

Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex
every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about
sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more
than 28,000 additional seconds per day to
concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be
cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous
soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll
complain them into submission.
"My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
"Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and
you shouldn't go to war until you're at least
old enough to legally drink. An average old
guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000
gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt
through the desert heat with a backpack and
M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before
10 a.m.


Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the
beans because we'd probably forget where
we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial
number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys.
We're used to getting screamed and yelled at

and we actually like soft food. We've also
developed a deep appreciation for guns and
rifles.

We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course,
however. I've been in combat and I didn't see
a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over
the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after
completing basic training.
I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down
and give me...er...one."
And the running part is kind of a waste of
energy.
I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead
of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually
carry on a conversation, and to wear pants
without the top of his butt crack showing and
his boxer shorts sticking out.
He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced
tongue catches food particles, and that a
400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda
Accord can rupture an eardrum.
All great reasons to keep our sons at home to
learn a little more about life before sending
them off to possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten
cowards who attacked our hearts on
September 11. The last thing the enemy would
want to see right now is a couple of million old
farts with attitudes.

Share this with your senior friends
(It's purposely in big type.)

[KenP]

<h1>That's great, Pops!</h1>

[RIC-H0]

I feel the exact same way!
I tried to enlist, and none of the the dammned branches of the military would take me!
Us old guys have so much knowledge and experience to offer, and some even remember who Gomer Pyle was!!!
Shazaaaaam!

Ric-H0