Joke of the day

[MovinH2]

[KenP]

July 16:

Joke Of The Day:
Selling Life Insurance...

Private Jones was assigned to the Army induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's Lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Lt. stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said. "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

[deserth3]

Now that's funny!!!

I got a kick out of most of these. Great

S.

[Sewie]

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

LOL!!

[KenP]

July 17

Appraisal Sheet...

This form indicates employee performance in the position they currently hold.
Knowledge
[ ] The son of a bitch really knows his stuff
[ ] Knows just enough to be dangerous
[ ] Only half a brain and is dangerous
[ ] ****ing brain damaged, his coffee cup has a higher IQ
Accuracy
[ ] Does excellent work if not preoccupied with pussy
[ ] Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass
[ ] Has to take off his shoes to count to ten
[ ] Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice
Attitude
[ ] Extremely cooperative if you kiss his ass frequently
[ ] Brown nose in good standing
[ ] Often pisses off co-workers, thinks it's his shop
[ ] Doesn't give a ****, never did and never will
Reliability
[ ] A really dependable little cocksucker
[ ] You can rely on him at evaluation time
[ ] Can rely on him to be the first one out the ****ing door
[ ] Totally ****ing useless/worthless
Appearance
[ ] Extremely neat, even combs his pubic hair
[ ] Looks great at evaluation time
[ ] Flies abandon fresh dog **** to follow him around
[ ] Dirty, filthy, dirty son of a bitch Performance
[ ] Works like a son of a bitch, if there's money in it for him
[ ] Does all kinds of good **** at evaluation time
[ ] Works only if kicked in the ass every 2 minutes
[ ] Couldn't do less work if he were in a ****ing coma

[Agriv8r]

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her
vaginal lips reduced in size because they were loose and flapping. Out of
embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the
surgeon
agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses
carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in
the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and
that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this
all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and
empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank
you for his new ears...