Joke of the day

[HummerNewbie]

Originally Posted by DennisAJC

Either that joke is a repost or I just experienced deja vu.

You used to be a women from New York?

[DennisAJC]

Originally Posted by HummerNewbie

You used to be a women from New York?

I walked right into that didn't I?

[HummerNewbie]

Originally Posted by DennisAJC

I walked right into that didn't I?

Sorry to say, yes you did. But thanks, I got a good laugh out of it

[31_bandits]

i heard this one this morning from a technician:

After a terrible shipwreck, 3 Honda drivers found themselves stranded on a desert island. Miraculously, they found a magical lamp and when the genie appeared, they agreed to each take one of the wishes.

The first Honda driver wished to be smarter to find a way to get off the island. The genie turned her into a Jeep driver, and she hopped on a log and started paddling west, towards shore.

The second Honda driver thought to herself "that looked pretty good", but wondered if there was an even better way. He wished to be even smarter than the Jeep driver, to find a better way off the island. The genie turned him into an H3 driver, and he made a small raft and an oar out of available logs, bark, and branches. Off he went, East, towards shore.

The third Honda driver thought that was cool, but wanted something even more. So the genie turned him into an H2 and he walked north, across the bridge, back to shore.

now that's funny.

[KenP]

Which Way To Heaven...


One day, a sunday-school teacher asked her students what they thought going to heaven would be like.

Little Suzy answered: "I think you go up head-first, because your head is where you think about God."

Then little Joseph raised his hand and said: "I think you go up heart-first, because God lives in your heart."

Then little Tommy says: "I think you go up feet-first!"

The teacher asked him: "Why do you believe this, Tommy?"
To which Tommy replied: "Because I walked into mommy and daddy's bedroom and saw mommy sticking her feet into the air saying 'Oh God, I'm coming!' and if daddy hadn't been lying on top of her, she would have floated away for sure!"

[Jesus Christ]

Originally Posted by KenP

Which Way To Heaven...


One day, a sunday-school teacher asked her students what they thought going to heaven would be like.

Little Suzy answered: "I think you go up head-first, because your head is where you think about God."

Then little Joseph raised his hand and said: "I think you go up heart-first, because God lives in your heart."

Then little Tommy says: "I think you go up feet-first!"

The teacher asked him: "Why do you believe this, Tommy?"
To which Tommy replied: "Because I walked into mommy and daddy's bedroom and saw mommy sticking her feet into the air saying 'Oh God, I'm coming!' and if daddy hadn't been lying on top of her, she would have floated away for sure!"

LOL!!!! Even I thought that was funny my son. I'll have to run that one by Mary.

[HummBob]

Originally Posted by KenP

Which Way To Heaven...


One day, a sunday-school teacher asked her students what they thought going to heaven would be like.

Little Suzy answered: "I think you go up head-first, because your head is where you think about God."

Then little Joseph raised his hand and said: "I think you go up heart-first, because God lives in your heart."

Then little Tommy says: "I think you go up feet-first!"

The teacher asked him: "Why do you believe this, Tommy?"
To which Tommy replied: "Because I walked into mommy and daddy's bedroom and saw mommy sticking her feet into the air saying 'Oh God, I'm coming!' and if daddy hadn't been lying on top of her, she would have floated away for sure!"

[Agriv8r]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other
detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But
it sure made a hole in Juan

[Agriv8r]

A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of
toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?" she asks. He declines. "Thanks
for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's
really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asked if he would like something. "A bowl of soup,
homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" He declines. "The Viagra," he says,
"really trashes my desire for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a
juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie
chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "Naw, still not hungry."

"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

[KenP]

I know this is the most important thread of the day for most of you so I'm sorry for missing a couple of days.

You can stop sending the PM's now.

A blonde is at work at a grocery store when a deaf/mute man comes in. He writes on a piece of paper that his mother has died and he needs 20 dollars for gasoline to get to the funeral a few hours away.

Feeling bad for the man the blonde reaches into her pocket and gives the guy 20 bucks. "Thanks, baby!" says the man. "No problem," replies the blonde. As the man gets into the car with a much older woman driving, the blonde realizes she has made a big mistake. "Oh no, I gave him a 50 dollar bill!"