Joke of the day

[Agriv8r]

A lady walks into a HUMMER dealership and browses around. Suddenly she
spots the most perfect, beautiful rig and walks over to inspect it. As
she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected
little burst of flatulence escapes her. Very embarrassed, she
anxiously looks around to see if anyone has noticed and hopes a sales
person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. With a
pleasant smile he greets her, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you
today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though
nothing had happened, she smiles back and asks, "Sir, what is the
price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replies, "Madam, I'm very sorry to say
that if you farted just touching it, you are gonna **** when you hear
the price."

[KenP]

That's great, Chuck. Fun at work today, huh?!?!?

[KenP]

Engineers and Managers...


A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am. How did you know?"

"Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am. But how did you know?"
"You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

[Agriv8r]

Originally Posted by KenP

That's great, Chuck. Fun at work today, huh?!?!?

some days are like that, you made the paper today, did you see it?? I have a copy for you if not.

[KenP]

Originally Posted by Agriv8r

some days are like that, you made the paper today, did you see it?? I have a copy for you if not.

Thanks. We have it, but another copy would be great. We've received calls on it today, but can't seem to pull it up online. I'll swing by later.

The lady with the "Yala" truck I've seen. She's very conservative judging by the the stickers on her truck around election time.

[Dug]

Originally Posted by Agriv8r

A lady walks into a HUMMER dealership and browses around. Suddenly she
spots the most perfect, beautiful rig and walks over to inspect it. As
she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected
little burst of flatulence escapes her. Very embarrassed, she
anxiously looks around to see if anyone has noticed and hopes a sales
person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. With a
pleasant smile he greets her, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you
today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though
nothing had happened, she smiles back and asks, "Sir, what is the
price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replies, "Madam, I'm very sorry to say
that if you farted just touching it, you are gonna **** when you hear
the price."

LMFAO!

[DDWH]

Originally Posted by Dug

LMFAO!

.

X2!!!!!!!!! LMFAO!

[Agriv8r]

Lipstick in school---priceless


According to a news report, a certain private school in
Washington recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and
would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on
their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next
day the girls would put them back. Several memos were posted about this.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with
the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were
causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors
every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors,
she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was
required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet,and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators.

[Agriv8r]

this is a good one

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell
her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most
of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled
it. Enjoy.

A 86 year old man walked into a crowded Doctor's Waiting Room. As he
approached the desk, the Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you
seeing the Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The Receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded Doctor's Room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The Receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in
this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong
with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with
the Doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of
others, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.

The Waiting Room erupted in laughter.